So You Think You Can Survive A Zombie Apocalypse?

Ok, so maybe that title should read “So you think you can survive the first week of a zombie apocalypse?” Because let’s face it – no one survives a zombie apocalypse.

Given how most of us spend our time day-to-day, the odds are that the undead will rise while you’re sleeping or working. But let’s just say that the shit hits the fan… NOW! What would you do? WHAT WOULD YOU DO!? If you’re anything like me you’ve asked friends, family and colleagues a similar question before, whether you’re canvassing for likely allies, or just through sheer curiosity if that person ‘gets it’.

The truth is, very few ‘get it’. If the interviewee doesn’t laugh in your face or back away slowly, you’ll probably get “I’d go find a gun”. These three responses are all about as useful as each other. All three of these people will be day one ghoul-chow. They’re just not being practical about this.

Your surroundings are the first thing you gotta be aware of as soon as you realise you’re under attack from the living dead. Where are you? What’s around you? Most importantly WHO IS around you?

Ever looked around the office at work and considered how different colleagues would react? The Director who saves himself. The Secretary who gets mauled. The Manager who hides under a desk, gibbering. And then there’s you. You’re the best chance of survival these poor bastards have because you’ve been over this a million times already, haven’t you? Through subtle conversations you’ve worked out who you can count on and who are more of a threat than the roaming corpses outside the door. It’s time to find those people in the shit storm and get to higher ground.

I think the truth is, in the event of the zombie apocalypse, the hardware and the sporting goods stores are your best friends. It’s something that Dead Rising 2 seems to understand. We’re talking practicality here, folks. The odds are incredibly slim that you’d suddenly find yourself in the possession of a firearm, especially here in the UK. We need to look to more practical means of issuing lethal head trauma, or if we’re being really honest, just slowing those sons of bitches down so you can get away. Axes, hammers… long pokey things – they’re all readily accessible. As Max Brooks points out in the bible of zombie survival How To Survive a Zombie Outbreak; chainsaws aren’t half as useful as you think they are. They may have served Bruce Campbell well in The Evil Dead movies but in reality, you’re more danger to yourself. They’re noisy (which will alert the undead) and you need fuel to make them work.

I’m really glad that a show like The Walking Dead has come along. I’d like to think it’s gritty realism is making folks think again about the impending zombie apocalypse. This ain’t gonna be Lethal Weapon 4 with brain-eaters. The show, along with other media following the recent apocalyptic trend, may just infiltrate the mass consciousness and mentally prepare enough people for this that we may just stand a chance.

There’s plenty there to think about in the meantime, so remember – Stay alert. Stay vigilant. Stay alive.

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